Over the course of my week's treatment, they put over two liters into my body intravenously per day. By the week's end, like today, I've had 10 1/2 liters forced into my bloodstream.This is in addition to one and a quarter liters that I'm supposed to drink per day, for another six plus liters orally.
By today, I feel like my skin is going to literally burst. My veins have retreated into my doughy flesh and my face takes on a completely different shape. My legs are tree trunks.
Actually the nurses here have just said that it's a common feeling for the last day of treatment to be anti-climactic, so I guess I'm more or less normal.
I wish I could say that I'm overjoyed that today is my last day, but I don't feel that way. This has been my life now for nearly three months, and the next steps, like the outcome of the treatment, and returning to work, and to a more normal life; they all can seem like scary prospects.
So, instead I'm still taking things one day at a time, and over the next few days I'll be focused on detoxifying and resting, counting the days until I feel a bit better, and following the remaining course of my non-chemo medication.
I guess the tumor is the thing that I have to remember. If all went according to plan, as of today or earlier the final nails have been driven into its coffin, and that's why I'm here in the first place, to Live Live Live.
P.S. I feel like this is a really negative post, and I wish it wasn't but it is an honest post. I expected day 20 to be different.
I have higher hopes for about 10 days from now, when the side effects from the round have usually diminished, and my whole outlook changes almost overnight:
Renee and the kids were here today, and my parents were here yesterday which really helped. More thanks to you and to everyone who has been keeping me in mind as push through this final day.
I understand that this is a difficult day to celebrate because of how you feel, but as you come out from under this final round I know you'll be able to appreciate that this is behind you. I speak for our whole family when we say that we're so glad you're done with this part of treatment and we're excited for a return to normal life for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteTed -- your honesty speaks volumes, and I really appreciate it. Reese and I both felt the same way toward the end also. Oh, it's the end? Yay...meh. We were too tired to get worked up over much of anything. You've done a great job and are finishing strong. The celebration will come later and it will be a big one!
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